Well, after an excellent guest post all about the proposal from the fabulous Ashlee McCullen on Wednesday, we got to thinking a little more about proposals and what the best way to pop the question really is. Actually, to be honest I got to thinking about it whilst Dom summarily dismissed each of my ideas with a slightly exasperated expression on her face. I note, however, that despite her relentless idea bashing she put forth none of her own suggestions and consequently I began thinking along another path: why should guys have to do all the work coming up with proposal ideas? In this brave new world of equal rights where women can even pick up the restaurant tab (apparently) why does it still fall to the incumbent groom to plan the perfect wedding proposal? And no Dom, “Because I say so” is not a valid answer… I smell a fight!!
Today’s topic: Who Should Propose – Guys Vs Girls
In the red corner, keeping it traditional with the male proposal despite the fact that from the way she sabotaged my own proposal to her you’d think she was against the idea, it’s Dom “The Tog” Bride
In the blue corner, breaking with tradition for the good of all groom-kind, his other proposal ideas included tying a ribbon around Small Dog’s neck (needless to say the idea of getting bitten wasn’t that appealing!!), and proposing at a football match… what do you mean Dom doesn’t like football?!! It’s Matt “The Gormless” Groom.
Dom: It’s traditional for the guy to propose – it’s the ultimate fairytale romantic thing to happen for a girl, most guys would just feel embarrassed at being proposed to – hardly the same magical moment!
Matt: That may have been true in the past and is certainly still true for some, but that’s just to do with social norms and some of those norms are already being broken. I think it’s much more accepted by guys now that they don’t have to be the one to propose.
Dom: Maybe it’s starting to change but there is still a certain stigma for both the guys and girls. The soon-to-be groom is still likely to receive a lot of ridicule from his mates down the pub about who wears the trousers, and the gossip for a lot of the ladies might be that the man isn’t romantic enough to do it himself or that he doesn’t actually want to get married or he’d have proposed to her! It may not be true, but it’s a perception that’s difficult to shake!
Matt: Perhaps, but some girls are desperate to get married and, to be perfectly honest, for some guys the idea of proposing just doesn’t always occur even though they may be open to the idea of marriage. For lots of guys it’s the push they need, and if one person feels it’s what they want surely it’s better to express it, regardless of whom actually asks the question?
Dom: The tradition in Britain is that the bride can only propose to the groom during leap years (or more recently only on February 29th). Some claim this goes right back to the 5th Century, so it’s a long established tradition!
Matt: Yes but it was a tradition forged during a time when women were seen as the property of men and didn’t have the rights you all enjoy now. Such a decision would naturally have been taken by the man as they were the ones perceived to be in charge.
Dom: Ok, this might be completely materialistic of me but…I WANT THE RING!! If the girl has to propose not only do you not get a ring you might actually have to get one for him!!! That seems somewhat less fun!
Matt: You can still have a ring if you’re the one to propose, in fact lots of proposals now happen without any rings involved and the couples buy them together later – isn’t that a fairer way of both sharing the cost and making sure you get the ring you really like?! Plus rings for men tend to be a lot cheaper than engagement rings for women!!
Dom: The proposal is an incredibly romantic thing and I think in most cases it’s just more special to a girl to be proposed to than a guy who might feel more embarrassed even if he does actually want to get married. It’s a huge topic of conversation amongst the girls – asking how he proposed, looking at the ring… I don’t think guys would look at it the same way and it’s a shame for it to feel less special.
Matt: Times are changing and it’s much more acceptable now for the girl to be the one to propose. Sometimes we guys need a little nudge in the right direction and if the girl wants to get married it’s best to be open and honest about it. Maybe this is literally just a conversation about getting married, but the girl proposing is a lot more romantic whilst still seen as quite unorthodox – all the more for your friends to talk about!
Did you propose to your groom? Were you part of the leap-day tradition? If so we’d love to hear from you! Send your proposal stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment below!