The other night I caught the father of the bride working on his speech for my wedding. My best man tells me his is already well under way as well. I on the other hand, the man who fears public speaking with a vengeance and also spends a lot of his time writing, have done nothing. With the wedding pressing ever nearer I’m starting to think I should probably start getting some ideas together, so for the last couple of days I’ve been trying to pen a few thoughts. The trouble is that I’ve always been told that whether it’s a story, an essay or a speech you need a good beginning, middle and end. As it turns out I seem to be better at intros than the whole middle and end bit! Being no closer to finding a middle bit I thought I would share a few intros that I’ve come up with in the hope that it might give some of you grooms out there a little inspiration to get your own speech going, hopefully more successfully than mine! If you see a tumbleweed drifting across your screen just ignore it…
The Arts Crowd
Well, on such an amazing, monumental day like this it’s so difficult to find the words to suit the occasion but here goes. I believe it was the poet Shelley who once said… far more eloquent things than I’m about to say myself. Still, once more unto the breach dear friends…
On behalf of the Mrs and I I would like to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for making the effort to be here today. We’ll have a proper toast in a bit and we’ve got some pressies to give out but I just quickly would like to thank firstly the staff here at [the venue] for helping to make everything look so amazing, I’d like to thank my parents for both their financial and moral support in dealing with [the bride] when she turned into Bridezilla while planning the wedding. I’d like to thank [insert name] the mother of the Bride for everything she’s done for us and for helping to keep her daughter from completely bankrupting me. Most of all though I’d like to thank the father of the bride for his kind words and for cutting his speech down to a brief couple of hours.
Ladies and gentlemen on behalf of my beautiful new wife and I, from the bottom of our hearts we’d just like to say… thank christ we don’t have to do any more wedding planning. Seriously, it’s been a nightmare, you wouldn’t believe it! Our house has been filled with all this crap for the last six months, she’s been an absolute nightmare, none of my other wives were this ba… (look around at wife… pause…) but seriously I’d just like to thank my wife for all the amazing work she’s put in…
Today is genuinely the happiest day of my life and I hope you’ll agree it’s been fantastic. I feel so privileged to marry the girl of my dreams in front of so many people I love, so many friends that have travelled so far to be here and of course [insert best man] who lives round the corner and I don’t even like. Still, it’s nice for him to get out of the house.
The nervous groom
I must admit, when I proposed to [Bride’s name] I forgot that it would inevitably lead to my having to give a speech. Had I realised at the time I would have bought myself a second hand cardigan, a rocking chair and a dozen cats instead. Still, it’s all worth it for the chance to marry the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. A beautiful bride who, incidentally, does not have to give a speech. Equality: the cornerstone of any good marriage.
Right, well there we go, I’ve given you an intro now get on with writing the middle and end! And once you’re done if you wouldn’t mind sending it my way it’d help me out no end! Oh god, I HATE PUBLIC SPEAKING!!! Wish me luck!