This coming weekend Dom and I have been invited to model for one of the brilliant Be. photography workshops. Having been photographed professionally a few times both in the run up and on our wedding day itself it’s something that we’re now fairly used to, and something we have very much enjoyed. However, there is one key difference:
On those occasions we had already been working to look our best for our wedding day.
Now personally I don’t see any problem. It’s not like we’ve ‘let ourselves go’ since the wedding, and whilst I can only assume that we’ve been chosen for Dom’s looks rather than my own I think she looks as beautiful as ever (yes she does proof read this post and yes I do want her to make me some tea!) and aside from the beard I reckon I’m not looking about as presentable as I get. I mean I know there’s going to be a lot of cameras but it’s not like we’re heading down the Oscars red carpet or anything! The Mrs, however, thinks otherwise.
Never has a Curly Wurly been ripped so fast from my clutches as the moment Dom received the message asking us to partake in the workshop. It was like some sort of cartoon, with a puff of smoke and my tasty snack being replaced by a banana in the blink of an eye even as it approached my mouth. I’m pretty sure that if the music had been readily available at the time some sort of Rocky-esque workout montage would have begun even whilst she explained to me what was going on. Clearly it was time to diet.
Immediately I leapt to action, and in under 10 minutes all of the unhealthy snacks in the studio had been disposed of. As I swiftly downed the final bag of crisps and disposed of the empty Mars bar wrapper however Dom seemed strangely unimpressed with my efforts. Apparently I had missed the point.
Dieting isn’t exactly something that comes naturally to me. My job has always kept me extremely active, and for many years the traditional theatre diet of stress and lack of sleep saw me through, and eating lots of high energy (and not particularly healthy) food was often necessary just in order to keep going. However I have to acknowledge that these days, whilst I’m equally as busy and still actively working in theatres and events alongside my cinematography business (and just a little bit of blogging), I spend less of my time doing hard physical work and more of it sitting behind a desk. Maybe Dom had a point.
My first thought (although it’s about the billionth time I’ve thought it) was that perhaps it was time to join a gym. That way I could get myself looking a little more toned and still follow it up with a McFat and chips lunch. Dom is already a member of a good local fitness centre and it seemed sensible to just join the same one. Unfortunately Dom then informed me I would have to fill in an application form and it immediately seemed too much like hard work.
I am, however, a member of a tennis club and I figured a few lengthy sets with my brother was sure to burn off a few calories. This would have been true if I hadn’t:
A – first picked a day where the court turned out to be covered in snow, and
B – picked an opponent who was capable of acing me on every serve, thereby somewhat nullifying the fitness element of the game.
Still, we had a good time and afterwards went for a curry and a few pints so it wasn’t a total loss.
Sadly my wife’s commitment to looking good is far stronger than my own, and as I sat staring into the abyss of a plate of ‘food’ that, by it’s size, I could only imagine had already been half munched by a very slimline rabbit, I had an epiphany. This was a wedding photography workshop we would be modelling for – an exercise designed to show photographers how to deal with all of the different conditions and hone their talents ready to deal with any circumstances that might arise. One of the key skills of wedding photography is to make the Bride and Groom look their best at all times. Really by presenting them with a slimline, clean shaven and well groomed groom I would be surely stifling their creativity, depriving them of the opportunity to develop their skills. Really what they need is surely more of a challenge – the increased difficulty of choosing which of my three chins to photograph and how best to disguise my massive girth. Now that’s a work out session I can get on board with.
So really guys I’m eating this chinese for you! Never let it be said I’m not willing to take one for the team. Oh, and whilst we’re at it I’ll take another if there’s one going?
Dom, have we got any cheesecake in?