Following Your Heart

Monday morning on Bride Vs Groom is usually marked by my rambling post-weekend wedding planning hysterical musings. Today however I want to talk about a more serious topic and one that is all the more significant today as I mark the beginning of my final week as a full-time employee of a place that, for the last four years, has felt like home.

When I’m not busily scribbling down my thoughts about Dom’s latest attempts to bankrupt me, I work as Chief Technician for a busy regional theatre. A lot of people think that those who work backstage in a theatre; technicians, stage managers, designers etc. ended up backstage because they couldn’t make it as an actor.  Whilst this may be the case for a handful of people, for the vast majority it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve wanted to be a lighting designer and a technician for as long as I can remember.

In fact my first recollection of being interested in technical theatre goes back to primary school. On our school trips to see the Stephen Joseph Theatre’s Christmas show every year I was the geeky one at the back trying to peer into the control box and see how it all worked. In fact I probably owe an apology to Sir Alan Ayckbourn (under whom I subsequently worked for several years) for having not paid the slightest bit of attention to any of his doubtlessly brilliant plot-lines for any of his shows until I was 15. Indeed even at this point my attention was only drawn away from the lighting rig and clever trap mechanisms and back to the on-stage action on the grounds that I’d actually helped rig the lights and built the traps and therefore had a pretty clear idea of how they worked.

I was lucky. My lifelong fascination with the backstage arts was not only recognised but encouraged, firstly by my incredible parents and secondly by a brilliant teacher who (probably in violation of a million health & safety rules) encouraged myself and a couple of equally enthusiastic friends to play around with the equipment, come up with our own lighting ideas, set-up and mix the sound for the school bands and basically have free reign over all the school equipment. This gave me the basic skills to begin to learn more about the craft I loved and, through working on our visiting school productions also helped gain me a foot in the door at the Stephen Joseph (SJT) where once again I was encouraged to learn how to be a good technician. The technicians at the SJT taught me all the basic skills I still refer back to today, and they were truly inspirational to me as a young, overenthusiastic teenager.

Although I worked incredibly hard, spending as much time at the theatre as I possibly could whilst still trying to pass my GCSE’s and A levels, my path through the world of theatre had been made a relatively easy one because of the amazing people that were willing to give me an opportunity and encourage me to follow my passion (despite the fact I was doubtless more of a hinderance than a help a lot of the time!) At 6th form though I hit the first bump in the road along my so far flawless journey.

My constant commitment to the college’s theatre (I was lighting and creating sound effects for every single performance that took place) along with the SJT meant that my grades started to suffer. I was also coming to the realisation that all the people who worked in IT (another subject I was very interested in… yes I really was a geek!) seemed to be reasonably well off, whereas looking at the salary on regional theatre jobs it was quite clear that there was very little money in it. Up-to this point my grades had been good enough to get me on the shortlist for Oxbridge applications, and if I applied myself completely to it I knew I could get myself onto a great course and into a potentially lucrative career. I needed to make a choice: A low-paid, physically demanding job, working ridiculous and unsociable hours in a darkened room, or a high-paid, well-respected, 9-5 job in a plush office with a pension scheme. One would give me the lifestyle I’d always wanted, the other would give me the career that I had always loved.

I thought about it long and hard. My parents made it clear that it was my choice completely and helped me to look at both career paths in a completely unbiased way which was extraordinary considering the difference in potential earnings between the two options and the fact that they themselves had both followed an academic path and were in well-paid 9-5 jobs. The fact remained though that whilst their academic paths had brought them the comfort and financial security that they now enjoyed and both were happy enough in their work, neither had truly followed their dream career path, and I think a little bit of them regretted that.

Things finally came to a head when my drama teacher (with whom I had never quite seen eye to eye and who had no interest whatsoever in technical theatre) told me that I would never make a career working backstage. I contemplated her words for about 20seconds before deciding to prove her wrong.

I redoubled my efforts, reading every book I could find on lighting and getting involved in every show possible. I applied to various drama schools offering technical theatre courses and was lucky enough to get onto a great course in Edinburgh. Once there I continued to work freelance and volunteer for shows alongside my studies to get every bit of experience I could. I became head of lighting for the National Student Drama Festival, an amazing organisation I had been involved in for several years, starting out as a crew member and working my way up through the ranks. I got a job before I left university as a project manager and lighting designer for a major events company and worked on all kinds of events from weddings to corporate events to concerts to graduation balls. It was actually a well-paid job and a position of massive responsibility; we were quickly growing the business and despite the gruelling hours it was a lot of fun, but two things were missing; I was away from my two great loves: although I was working in a related field I wasn’t working in theatre, and I was working away from the woman who is soon to become my wife. Something had to change.

Dominique’s business was thriving in Scarborough – a business about which she felt equally as passionate as I did about theatre. There was no way she could make the move, so when I heard about an opening at a theatre in Yorkshire I was intrigued. Particularly interesting was the fact that the company was about to move into a brand new custom built home and the job would involve helping to set up this new building. However the position was as an assistant technician – several steps down from the position I was currently in and with a salary that was at least a third lower than what I was earning up in Edinburgh. Nonetheless I felt it was worth taking a look.

Upon meeting members of the company and seeing the tiny, slightly ramshackle theatre along with the pristine plans for the new building it was clear to me that this was a project I could get excited about. There were definite problems – dropping down to the bottom of the promotional ladder again, taking a financial cut and Dom’s home being an hour and a half commute from the theatre were not exactly appealing. But I had always followed my heart, and it told me, somehow, that it was the right thing to do.

I intended to join the company just for a year or so: enough time to get the new building up and running, then I would move on. Four and a half years later I’m still there, now Chief Technician for a theatre I simply fell in love with. I used to hear actors talking about how you “give yourself over to the theatre”. I always thought it was more of that pretentious rubbish that “the luvvies” occasionally spew out. It turns out it’s true. I worked day and night, even sleeping there on occasion to make sure that every show was the best it could possibly be. I helped set up the building, I made the systems work, I saw it go from a little drawing on a piece of paper to a thriving theatre, a centre of the community and a place that each night comes alive with its own soul; that moves people; inspires people and brings a smile to their faces. It’s my baby, it’s my passion, it’s part of me, but it’s a part that, for now at least, I’ve decided to leave behind.

There are several reasons that, after months of deliberation, made me eventually decide to move on, but the biggest one is simply that my heart is telling me once again that it’s the right thing to do. I’ve achieved what I set out to achieve, and although no two days are the same in theatre and there will always be things that can be improved, it’s time to find a new challenge that inspires me just the way that company did when I first set foot through the door.

The next step is a scary one. I’m turning freelance in order to pursue the projects that I’m interested in and that I feel can challenge me creatively. For the first time I won’t have a guaranteed income and, in a year when Dominique and I are getting married and have bought our first proper home, that’s a terrifying thought. But at the same time it’s an exciting one; a challenging one and one that means I have to make it work. I now have a variety of exciting projects, each one something I’m passionate about. Alongside my freelance theatre career I’m becoming more involved in helping my fianceé’s business on a variety of exciting projects. This blog that started out as a little diary of our wedding plans has become something of a beast and has sparked in me a passion for writing that I haven’t felt since year 8 english class. Above all I’m marrying the real love of my life and someone that inspires me every day, and she deserves the same attention that I have given to my career all these years. My choice may not offer financial security, but it offers the chance of true happiness, and happiness enriches the soul more than money ever can.

So get out there, listen to your heart and follow your dreams. Find your passions and let them guide your choices, whatever they might be.

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me.”

– Steve Jobs