This week I am set to take on perhaps the most complex, exhausting and indeed mind-boggling challenges that faces mankind today: buying summer clothes out of season. As it stands pretty soon I will be laying on a beach in Portugal sipping cocktails and getting an extraordinary tan in my new duffle coat, thermals and fez… Ok admittedly the joke shop sell the same kind of hat whatever the time of year but still… Admittedly though given Dom’s apparent constant sub-zero body temperature it’s probably not such a problem for her. But seriously surely people do occasionally still want to buy a pair of shorts outside of August?
Well actually even August can be a problem as the vast majority, so it would seem, prefer to spend their summers dreaming of the cold winter months and start happily buying their winter clothes in eager preparation and the shops are stocked accordingly. Of course sometimes out of season clothing does pop up in the sales, but have you noticed how the clothes that appear in the sales never seem to be available in the same shop at normal price? Most of the sales I’ve been to lately seem to be less 50% off and more “look at all this lovely tat we can sell you for less than our normal clothes cost because we just picked them up from Oxfam”.
Then again my complete lack of summer clothes is probably a blessing in disguise given that our luggage allowance is roughly equal to half a tube of toothpaste and a bag of Maltesers (they really are the lighter way to enjoy chocolate). Once you take the weight of the suitcase itself into account it’s probably not even that… I highly suspect that when they ask if you’d like to pay for any extra bags they mean just that: empty bags! you can then pay another £49.99 per item if you’d like to actually fill them. Unfortunately as I’m travelling with my dear wife I fear it is inevitable that I will need to double the flight costs with some extra baggage as Maltesers sadly are not gluten free. Ah well, at least I can look forward to the bit where they ask if anyone has tampered with your bag without your knowledge… How would I know?
At least though, having bought Dom an e-reader for her birthday this year I should not be faced with the traditional issue of having to remove all of my clothing to make way for a small(ish) library in my suitcase. This is definitely a bonus as she is currently engulfed in re-reading the entire Harry Potter series and Miss Rowling clearly didn’t consult with Ryanair when perusing the length of her chapters.
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Our likely holiday destination… only with rain (or snow)
Of course the biggest purchase that has to be made when considering a Matt and Dom luxury 5* holiday is the survival kit that we will inevitably end up needing when the dreaded curse finds a way to rear it’s ugly head once more. I may complain about the lack of availability of warm weather clothing but let’s face it, given our past luck I might as well pack some skis and a decent tent to see us through our stay. Also essential are a full first aid kit complete with defibrillator, an inflatable life-raft, oxygen tanks and a spare courier pigeon. Come to think of it we might need a third suitcase for this lot.
Still, however painful the pre-holiday shopping might be and however certain it may be that something will go drastically wrong, I can’t wait for my holiday whether it ends up being at our actual planned destination, stranded on a desert island somewhere or at the service station off junction 42. As long as we get some relaxing time away together that’s all I need. Now where did I put that spare parachute?
