My lords and ladies I bring joyous news! After years of suffering the curse has been broken! Finally, after years of failed attempts, complete disasters and unexpected monsoon conditions we have finally managed to hold a barbecue in the sunshine!! I forget which deity it was that we offended all those years ago when the Thompsons first tried to throw a nice summer barbecue, but I do remember that on that occasion it ended with myself standing under the tallest tree on the street in a vicious thunderstorm praying that the burgers (and myself) weren’t about to get a very quick and rather too effective chargrilled finish. Since then the mere mention of a barbecue has turned even the warmest climes into subzero conditions and I can’t count the number of barbecues we’ve now held in the conservatory with (again!) just myself standing out in the rain with a slightly soggy chef hat and some very moist yet very black sausages. At one point last year we thought we had actually achieved it, we sprang the idea of the BBQ at the last minute so as to surprise the weather and it seemed to work; as we filled the grilling station with instant lighting charcoal it was still bright sunshine – victory at last! However, not to be defeated the god of exterior culinary activities ensured that no matter how many matches, firelighters, flamethrowers and cans of petrol (don’t try this at home kids!) we threw at it, the “instant lighting” charcoal simply would not take to flame…
So it was with extreme pessimism that I suggested the idea of a little get-together this weekend. With forecasts of bright sun, zero possibility of rain and temperatures of 21 degrees for the entire week peaking on Sunday I naturally assumed the end of the world was nigh. It was decided to hold it at my parent’s house, the site of so many previous disasters, and we decided it would be nice to invite Dom’s family too, including Small Dog. With news that my brother and sister-in-law and my two young nephews could also make it all the pieces seemed to be slotting perfectly into place for the greatest humanitarian disaster of the last century. The final nail in the coffin came when my dad rang and told me he’d bought a brand new giant barbecue for the occasion… Seriously, this was surely going to be the end!
With the days ticking down until the barbecue and the weather getting gradually hotter and hotter my fears worsened. The barbecue was actually quite a significant event as, despite Dom and I having been together a long time, several members of the two families had never actually met, and those that had didn’t exactly know each other well. With our nuptials getting ever closer and with our plans being that the families would be spending more than just the wedding day together it was really important to us that they all get along really well, so the day had to go off without a hitch… with hindsight I did begin to question what on earth had possessed me to suggest this most problem-prone form of social gathering to try to cement these relationships!
On Sunday morning I awoke to find… sunshine pouring through the window! Astonished I stared out for a while expecting to see the clouds transform into the image of four horsemen or, at best, spot a minor hurricane in the distance. All quiet on the western front…
We set off to the Supermarket, thinking that perhaps North Yorkshire might have entered a minor famine overnight. Oddly we discovered that not only had my parents already bought quite a lot in preparation, the Supermarket also still had everything we needed. I began to sweat…things were going far too well!
Upon arrival at the house we decided it was best to get things lit straight away and avoid the usual problems of the barbecue eventually reaching cooking temperature around about midnight. Dad had purchased some new self-lighting brickettes to help things along. As I threw match after match at them we began to enter familiar territory. I was strangely relieved… the fact we wouldn’t be eating seemed a reasonable compromise compared to what I feared might be coming! Then, all of a sudden, a flame…then another…the charcoal began to turn to the colour of, well, charcoal and there was definite heat coming off it…in fact there was now enough heat to cook on, and the guests had all just arrived!
It was at this point that a strange first encounter took place. Small Dog, already excited to be back in a house he had not entered since being an even smaller dog, was stopped in his tracks as he greeted what we quickly realised was in fact an entirely new species to our furry friend: Small Human. My less than 1 year old nephew proved a source of great interest despite the abundance of food, usually the one thing with the power to distract Small Dog from his belligerent thoughts. At first he seemed simply bemused by the Small Human, but then, as my young nephew disappeared around the corner with his mum, swiftly pursued by Paddington, we feared something had gone horribly wrong. Small Dog began to bark with an aggression I had never before seen in him; had the world’s most harmless dog turned on the baby?? As Dom rushed in, fearing Paddington had done something that would surely cause an irrevocable split between our two families, suddenly the sound of hysterical laughter drifted through to the garden. Shortly after the source was revealed as my laughing fiancée emerged holding a large umbrella stand, a painted cat on the front and a small (but fierce) dog still growling loudly at it and wondering why it wasn’t running away.
But despite Paddington spending the rest of the day moving swiftly between cowering in shame from the Cat to displaying his usual levels of jealousy as Dominique carried the baby around the garden rather than him, and regardless of the fact the barbecue had actually become too successful in the end and burnt the first 12 burgers to a crisp, all in all everything had gone well. The curse was officially lifted and our families had finally spent a bit of time together… well almost all the families, sadly Dom’s dad wasn’t able to be with us as he was off on our behalf on a top secret wedding mission (more details coming soon!) But everyone got on brilliantly, (actually worryingly well as the brothers started talking about my much feared stag do!), the food was great and with the scorching heat and cloudless skies I was only struck by lightning two or three times max… pretty good by my standards!
So here’s to family get-togethers, barbecues in the sun and the new found knowledge that I can keep jealous Small Dog away from Dom by making her wear a T-shirt with a cat on it… it’s going to be a great summer and an amazing wedding with both our families!
Cheers!
