Bride Vs Groom would like to issue the following urgent Amber alert:
WARNING CHAPS!!! THIS FRIDAY IS VALENTINES DAY!!!
Yes, it’s here once again, the day every man fears all year, the day card-makers celebrate and the day women pass out mixed messages about their feelings towards it.
It’s the day commonly associated with that old romantic St Valentine but that men everywhere know as V.A.L.E.N.T.I.N.E.S:
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Vacate
Area
Lady
Expecting
Nice
Treat
Initiate
Narrow
Escape
Shopping
I know, Valentines cards have been in the shops for so long that you assumed it must still be flippin’ ages away and I know she said she wasn’t bothered about Valentines anyway and that it’s just a made-up celebration designed to sell cards but STOP!!
Your partner is lying to you…
Seriously, even if she’s standing outside Clinton cards with a banner saying “Down with Valentines”, even if she threatens to shoot you in the face with a heart shaped arrow if you get her a valentines card, whatever she says about not caring about valentines day, For the love of god GET HER SOMETHING!! Take her out, spoil her, tell her it’s not because of valentines but just because you love her… otherwise however little it makes sense you’re about to find yourself well and truly in the doghouse.
For those of you who have recently proposed please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this enormous romantic gesture, this complete and total commitment, this day of romance that could never be surpassed gets you out of Valentines duty… in fact quite the opposite. Indeed spending every penny you’ve earned in your entire life on an engagement ring only really means that you must desire to furnish her with further lavish gifts and the finest restaurants on Valentines day.
I can also confirm from personal experience that remembering the day due to it being a significant work or football related date, giving her food poisoning, getting a Chinese from “the more expensive one” or indeed accidentally setting fire to the house (and your fiancé’s foot in the process) are also not acceptable as Valentines celebrations. Oh, and any romantic dinner out involving coupons is also somewhat frowned upon.
So gentlemen, you have been warned. T-5 days to Valentines, synchronise watches and be on the lookout for enemy traps. We will rendezvous at 1400 hours on Saturday for the football.
Good luck men.
