Welcome to the Best Man Bar: The hiding place for scared grooms, groomsmen and interested mild alcoholics. Got the wedding blues? Pull up a pew. Finding you’re spending all your time walking round wedding fairs and looking at bouttoni…boutoina…flowery stuff when you could be watching the footy? Grab a beer and take a seat. Although todays topic might require something a little stronger…
The Speech:
In the few seconds after Dominique agreed to marry me two things flashed through my mind. The first: enormous relief. The second: “Oh god, I’m going to have to make a speech”. This was followed by a well-disguised coronary episode.
Now despite the fact that right now I’m sharing my life with absolutely anyone who cares to read my ramblings I’m actually a very shy person. My school report for five years in a row said “Matthew is a quiet, conscientious pupil who needs to contribute more to class discussions.” Now although the fact that it was exactly the same wording each time suggests that the teachers weren’t exactly following their own rules on not copying other people’s work, they did have a point: I’ve always been quiet, particularly in the context of speaking in public. In fact the last time I had to make a public speech I hadn’t worked out what I was going to say at all and ended up going bright red and barely being able to breathe.
Fortunately as well as having been a guest at far too many weddings in the last couple of years I work in the right industry for finding help. I work in the theatre and events field supporting actors, comedians and plenty of public speakers, and from the backstage perspective there’s a unique chance to pick up some tips! Between this and my observations of best men, grooms and fathers of the bride at weddings I’ve been to, I’ve started to get a flavour for what’s required. Here’s a few helpful suggestions I’ve picked up so far:
Learn it well enough to still remember it after 5 pints!! If you’re going to have a drink to calm your nerves make sure you’re still able to speak afterwards! – Keep going over it and over it until you know you can get through it no matter what happens. That said, know your limits and don’t drink so much that you’re the only one that thinks you’re funny. If you’re unsure where this careful balance lies get yourself down to the pub right now and try it out. Honestly, it’s research, the Mrs can’t possibly complain!
Paint us a picture: As best man no doubt you’ve got hundreds of hilarious anecdotes about what an idiot the groom is, but bear in mind the chances are that not everyone in the room was there or has any idea what you’re talking about. If you want the big laugh you need to make sure everyone understands what you’re talking about. Set the scene and build up-to
the joke so everyone comes with you, but don’t spend so long building the joke that people get bored. People don’t like to be the only one laughing. If it’s only funny to the groom himself you might find there’s a bit of an eerie uncomfortable silence!
Don’t be too specific: Following on from the last point, you’re there to entertain everyone, not just the bride and groom. Of course put in things that they’re going to be amused by but don’t address it solely at them, everyone else wants a good laugh too!
Address your audience: A wedding is just about the ultimate friendly crowd: they want to find what you’re saying funny or sweet or whatever emotion you’re trying to create for them. Don’t be afraid of them; look up, be confident and don’t bury yourself in your notes. Body language is just as important as what you’re saying. If you’re not confident ACT!! If necessary don’t think of it as yourself talking; create a character: the best man – a confident, witty stand-up comedian – universally admired and able to bring the crowd to fits of laughter with a single line…
Have a backup plan: All the top comedians ask me when they arrive for a bit of info about the local area or something about the audience that they can use to get a laugh and bring them on side. Having something you can cover with to put you back on track if you start to get nervous or lose your place is a great safety net, the last thing you want is for it to go silent! You also want to be prepared for someone to jump in and heckle: don’t be put off, use it!
Don’t go too far: there’s a fine line between taking the mickey and out-and-out abuse. If you’re a best man it’s your aim, nay your responsibility to embarrass the groom but keep it light: chances are you’re playing to a family audience here, not a Frankie Boyle or Jerry Sadowitz crowd! Don’t leave everyone feeling awkward laughing!
Use visual references: I don’t mean a full-blown powerpoint presentation here, but I’ve seen some pictures used brilliantly for comic effect. If the venue has a projector, use it! Or maybe get some big prints of hilarious pictures to help tell your story. They can be a great aid, although don’t rely on them so heavily that they distract from what you’re saying!
Short is sweet: At most weddings the groom, father of the bride and best man will usually make a speech and it’s becoming increasingly common for the bride to also speak. The guests do enjoy the speeches but with that many people talking there’s always the danger that people start to get bored. The speeches tend to come either just before or just after the meal; If it’s before just remember that everyone’s waiting for you to finish so they can eat and if it’s after people are probably looking to head to the bar… Find the right balance so no-one gets bored but don’t cut it too short or worse rush through it. Try it out with some friends before the wedding and see what they think before delivering it to an entire room full of people!
Mix it up: Character assassinations are always funny to watch but don’t be afraid to mix in the odd nice comment. This will help to bring people on side and the comedy juxtaposition serves to make it much funnier when you go from Mr. Nice guy to the groom’s worst fear! On the flip side if you’re a groom looking to deliver an emotional speech to your new wife don’t be afraid of putting a joke in; you can bring a room to tears without being too intense!
I’ve just realised that I’m actively promoting character assassination on a blog that my best-man reads… I take it back: always be nice, buy the groom several beers and feel free to take the mickey out of the bride!! Anyway we’d love to hear your own tips and any anecdotes from successful or indeed disastrous wedding speeches!! Leave a comment, drop us an email or catch us on twitter
If you’re really struggling check out the links below for more helpful advice:
iamstaggered.com – these guys have an actual speech writing service providing speeches written for you by top-notch comedians!
weddingspeechbuilder.com– an entire site dedicated to the art of the wedding speech
hitched.co.uk – top tips for grooms, best-men and fathers-of-the-bride
speaking-tips.com – Some useful general tips on public speaking
chargeyourglasses.com – More great tips on how to construct your wedding speech.
This is a great article for those who are preparing for the wedding. I have passed this stage. Anyway thanks.
My best piece of advice was simple; As best man you’re there to do the funny speach. Say and do whatever you want with one rule – The Bride and the Bride & Groom’s Mothers cannot feel uncomfortable at any point. Follow that and you’ll be fine.
And don’t feel embarrassed about having the whole thing written out – If you’r feeling confident you can use it like notes, if you get nervous you can just read it.