Today’s Friday Fight-Out topic may on the face of it sound a strange one. Surely the wedding ceremony is, for the most part, about legally becoming married. The thing is though that the legalities can be a huge restriction on the type of wedding you want to have, particularly if you’re planning a destination wedding where the rules may not be so simple, but in other situations as well. More and more couples are turning to having two ceremonies; one – the legal binding of two people in marriage, and a second (usually larger ceremony) which celebrates their love with their friends and family whilst allowing them to have the wedding ceremony of their dreams. But is this split ceremony idea a good one? Time to mount our trusty steeds, pick up those lances and begin the battle to find out!
Legalities on the Wedding Day Vs Separate Legal Ceremony
In the Red Corner, fighting for the separate ceremony, she loved having the chance to wear a wedding dress more than once for her own separate ceremonies so much that she would probably have had even more weddings if she could! It’s Dom “The Tog Bride”.
In the Blue Corner, fighting for the more traditional single legally binding ceremony, he and his wallet almost had a heart-attack when a second UK reception was also suggested as well as two wedding ceremonies for his own wedding, it’s Matt “The Gormless Groom”.
FIGHT!
P.S. Remember the sides of the arguments we take are assigned to us and don’t necessarily represent our own opinions. I say this mostly to remind Dom before she tries to kill me for arguing against the way we ourselves got married…
OH GET ON WITH IT!!
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Image by York Place Studios
Dom: The legalities of getting married, particularly in the UK, can be really quite restrictive. You can’t get married outside in England, you can only marry in certain places and the wording of the ceremony has to follow a strict script. Getting the legalities out of the way perhaps the day before the actual wedding means you can have whatever ceremony your heart desires!
Matt: Once the legalities are completed you are, to all intents and purposes, married. Although you may consider the main ceremony to be your actual wedding it might not feel as special if you’re actually already married and you’re effectively ‘faking’ your wedding for your friends and family.
Dom: But if you complete the legalities at a registry office you don’t have to do every part of the ceremony. At our legal ceremony, for example, we didn’t exchange rings, and until we did I don’t think either of us really felt married. It can be more of just an extension of the wedding; don’t forget in some cultures wedding ceremonies last several days before you can truly consider yourselves married!
Matt: Having more than one ceremony adds extra expense, particularly as most people do want to mark the occasion in some way. One wedding is expensive enough without having a second one to worry about!
Dom: Having two ceremonies allows you to have your wedding in two completely different ways and experience both. Many people choose for the legal ceremony to be very small and intimate, often with only family present whilst having a much more lavish wedding celebration afterwards with everyone they know. It can be really nice to share such a momentous event with just those people closest to you whilst still having the chance to share it with everyone else later on.
Matt: If you’re having a destination wedding but completing the legalities at home first then any guests may only want to come to the legal ceremony rather than go through all the expense and effort of travelling abroad for a wedding that doesn’t actually declare you legally married.
Dom: Sometimes having two ceremonies is really the only option! When getting married abroad it can often be incredibly complicated to arrange a legally binding wedding, particularly when the words that must legally be spoken are in a different language. Completing the legalities before you travel means you don’t need to worry about it and can save yourself months of stress trying to sort it out.
Matt: If you’re looking to make the legal ceremony feel like part of the overall wedding then the bride may want to wear her wedding dress. This can take away some of the impact on the main wedding day as the groom has already seen the bride in her dress.
Dom: Having a ceremony where you don’t need to worry about the legalities means you can have a service that’s completely unique and custom tailored to be 100% relevant to the couple. I’ve photographed humanist ceremonies where the officiant has worked with the couple to create a ceremony all about their lives together rather than speaking in general terms about marriage and it’s been incredibly touching, emotional and at times hilarious!
Matt: There are traditions of a wedding ceremony that centre around the legalities and are really lovely but may not be possible or lose a lot of their meaning if you’ve already actually completed the legal side of things.
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Photo by Ed Peers
So those are our arguments but which side will win? You can vote for which side you’re on below and/or leave your comments to add to the debate!
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Definitely with the Separate legal Ceremony. As an un-married couple (yes we are working on it!) from the UK and Slovakia, having a legal ceremony & reception in one country and not the other is not really an option. In our minds we want to elope and have a ceremony that means something to us as a couple, we will then worry about the legal side and receptions upon our return. That side of things will be more for our families than us.
Doing it that way means we get to have our own ceremony that is exactly how we want it (up a mountain somewhere probably) and get to spend time with our families too 🙂
Oh..I didn’t think I had given it much thought but obviously I have!