It’s been an odd couple of weeks. Whilst it has emerged that the lack of available horses long ago landed King Richard III in a Leicestershire car park, the absolute abundance of these mighty creatures in the modern era has apparently made them not only as cheap as chips but also a tasty accompaniment. Despite the outrage, having tasted supermarket budget burgers in the past I can’t help feel that they probably benefited from a little horse… at least it is actually meat. I was amused to enter the supermarket though and spot two people looking suspiciously at the ingredients of a jar of horseradish…
However, whilst both of these events have been utterly bizarre, they pale in comparison to my experiences over the last few days. For, after an emergency last minute callout, I have spent my weekend working at what I can only describe as the biggest combined Stag and Hen party I have ever seen, and that’s no mean feat considering I’ve been on several occasions to Bridlington, possibly the spiritual home of such events.
Specifically I’ve been lighting an 80’s weekend at a large coastal holiday park, an event that from the outset always promised to be intriguing. With some pretty decent bands playing though and as a child of the 80’s myself I figured that this could be a grand return to a proud decade; a decade that I remember mostly from the teachings of Marty McFly and Doc Brown. By the way when the heck are those floating skateboards coming out??!! Anyway after using it as an excuse to watch one of the all time classic trilogies again I set off on an epic journey back to the future.
Now the guests were of course not solely Stags and Hens, (although it became immediately apparent that they were forming something of a majority) but the style of the weekend had certainly been set up in a Stag-esque style. With the bars packed out the minute alcohol could be legally served and the breakfast buffet still going strong as an amazing hangover cure well into the afternoon 80’s was certainly not the only theme of the weekend. Indeed as I looked out over the dance floor I realised that myself and the rest of the staff were definitely the only sober people in the room. By the end of the night we were the only people still able to walk without the staggering assistance of an equally hammered companion.
Drunkenness was not the only notable thing on the dance floor however. Between acts and with 80’s cheese pumping out over the PA I counted the following:
.jpg)
8 Ghostbusters (who you gonna call? DEFINITELY not these guys… they
didn’t even notice Marshmallow man terrorising some ladies in the corner!)
The entire cast of Top Gun (Tom Cruise is apparently taller in real life)
4 Mr T’s (I pity those fools)
10 Michael Jackson’s (not one of whom could moonwalk)
18 Sailors (most of whom did at least keep their clothes on thankfully)
4 Teletubbies (although 2 were Tinkie Winkies… apparently no-one
wants to be Po)
FAR too much spandex, particularly on the men!
5 Freddie Mercury’s (plus one on stage)
4 Knights in armour. Erm… 1080’s maybe?
22 Blues Brothers (We’re so glad to see so many of you lovely people
here tonight)
13 Teenage Mutant Drunken Turtles (p****ed up in a half shell)
3 Flash Gordon’s
So many Wally’s it was harder NOT to spot him.
About 2000 more costumes that I haven’t got time to mention or that were so disturbing I’ve deleted them from my memory.
It was utterly surreal, and as someone who experienced three nights of it in a row without a drop of alcohol in my system I bring sad news for all of my generation.
The 80’s were NOT a good decade.
I fear that when I reach the rapidly approaching age where I will speak to the young ‘uns and use the phrase “Well it weren’t like that in my day” (yes I will have adopted a proper Yorkshire accent by this point) that I will on this evidence be referring to how much better things are now rather than the other way round. I also bring another hard earned lesson:
If you were considering experimenting with holding a Stag or Hen party without alcohol then DON’T! Trust me… you’re going to need it!
What a start to the week! This made me laugh out loud (which is highly unusual this early on a Monday morning). As someone who lived through the 80’s and survived the spandex rash, I have to say that the 80’s had a lot of great things on offer. At this moment in time I can’t think of any but maybe that’s the point – if you can remember the 80’s you weren’t really there. Or maybe the 6 cans of hairspray I used every day has addled my brain. Rock on 🙂
Thanks Michelle! I have to admit, having been away from 80’s land for nearly a day now I can start to see its good points again! I mean there was… and, you know … Well there were definitely some good points anyway! 🙂
Right, I’m off home for some Horse on toast.