Last night I made burgers. This, in itself may seem unremarkable, however these are no ordinary burgers. After I first produced these handmade mounds of meat for Dom and Liam, whilst suffering meat sweats and being unable to move, Bride Vs Groom was born. The next time I felt like making some burgers York Place Films was created… Clearly these burgers somehow provide a direct link to the very source of entrepreneurial spirit! Perhaps their artery blocking design sparks a part of the brain to begin thinking creatively! (although to be fair it’s probably thinking creatively about how to avoid a heart attach but still!) Let’s face it, if I were to become backstage chef on Dragons Den then Duncan Bannatyne would be bankrupt by now. If Obama’s personal chef wasn’t quite so picky world peace would have been solved long ago. Perhaps it is the rich variety of flavours or maybe the fact that after eating them the brain is the only remaining working organ but either way my culinary masterpiece clearly has some form of inspirational effect. So, as my digestive system begins to break down those valuable thought-provoking enzymes what fresh ideas are springing to mind?
Thought number 1:
Stop making ridiculously fattening burgers in the run up to the day I’m supposed to look the best I’ll ever look.
Thought number 2:
How did Americans start naming their posteriors “Asses”? I mean, whose bottom was it that looked so like a donkey that this naming became widespread?
Thought number 3:
Why is it “Till death us do part”? Surely that suggests that now we’re married we’re going to separate until we die and then we can get together!?
Thought number 4:
I wish small dog would stop chewing on the shoes I’m wearing for the wedding… I’m already on my second pair!
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Not actual burger… mine are far more deadly!
Ok, so perhaps this particular batch wasn’t my best, perhaps the world wasn’t about to be changed forever by a further burger inspired idea… But then, all of a sudden something happened, something epic. Then, after a long trip to the bathroom I had an idea as well.
It was at this time that I came up with one of the greatest inventions of all time. An invention that would enable me to work, write a blog AND get all the wedding preparation and planning done without any problems at all. I call it: “THE FLUX CAPACITOR.”
It is this “FLUX CAPACITOR” that, coupled with some form of cool 80’s car with a bad safety record and short period of manufacture that will make time travel possible and, let’s face it, the way things are going that’s the only way forward. So as soon as I can get my time machine into production I will begin my experiments by sending my dog Einstein exactly 1 minute into the future to test the machine before I myself travel back to the…
Oh bugger. That’s just the plot of Back To the Future isn’ it! Yep, the reduced blood flow from the burgers is making me hallucinate again… there is no time machine is there? I really do have to get all this done in the limited timeframe available don’t I?
This is heavy.
