It’s been a while since we heard from the furriest contributor to our little blog (no, not me despite a definite need to have a shave right now!) and I thought it was about time we filled you in on the small Dog’s latest adventures. Now for any new readers, perhaps you haven’t yet heard the tales (no pun intended) of the creature known by some as Paddington Bear Marmalade Shaw, others simply as “Small Dog” and by the less fortunate as “Stop humping my leg please”. Whilst Small Dog is undeniably cute and generally quite sweet he does have an unfortunate jealousy management issue when it comes to anyone going anywhere near “his girls”.
The problem when you’re such a small dog is that it’s often difficult to intimidate people enough to make them move away. Indeed due to his puppy-dog expression and generally baby-like temperament the sight of him attempting to bear his teeth in anyone’s direction is generally met with a snort of derision from the guys and the words “Aww isn’t he such a cutey wutey little bear” from the girls. No, when it comes to dissuading would-be suitors small Dog has to be altogether more devious, and since Dom and I announced our engagement Paddington’s friendship with me has rapidly declined.
Previous attempts at removing “the problem” aka me have included sudden sharp turns in the WRONG direction during cliff-top walks, cocking his leg “mistakenly” at the foot of large, rather angry looking men, and I swear the other day when I woke up to find Small Dog in the bed with us that the pillow had moved from behind my head to over my mouth and nose and I’m not someone who tends to move pillows around in their sleep…
Paddington’s latest trick, however is something of a long game. Whilst I was under the impression from his much more friendly attitude towards me in recent months that we had made up somewhat and put the past behind us, Paddington clearly had other ideas. To my face he would wag his tail, bark excitedly at my arrival, jump up next to me on the sofa and lick my face… although admittedly not before giving himself a good “cleaning” first… but all the time a cunning plan was already under way. Small Dog was no idiot, however, this time he had used his powers to enlist others to help him.
Gradually I noticed that, upon stumbling out of bed and down the stairs in the morning there would be fewer sausages available than there used to be, a happy pup munching away in the corner having convinced the chef that Dog food was definitely not suitable for breakfast. At dinner too it suddenly became necessary to “save some for Paddington” . Next Paddington would suddenly need taking out just as I was readying myself for dinner… The Small Dog was trying to starve me!
Some would argue that he was just a greedy dog like so many others, that I was being paranoid, that there could no specific target to this attack. What happened next proved otherwise.
After reaching the Shaw household late the previous night ready to be up early for a day of work in a remote location in the middle of nowhere I had brought with me some supplies to get me through the day. Admittedly a 4-pack of Pan Au Chocolate, 4 Sausage Rolls and a couple of Sandwiches was not the healthiest way to get through the day but I suspect that it wasn’t in protection of my wedding diet that prompted them to disappear. That morning, bleary eyed I searched high and low for my bag of food, convinced I must have misplaced it. Finally looking down at the floor I noticed something. A trail of flakey pastry leading conclusively in the direction of a certain family member’s bed. As I followed the trail and noticed the slightly ajar door to the cage a smug little face popped out. A smug little face that apparently had also used its charms to be fed the last of the sausages. It was going to be a long and hungry day!
It’s amazing the expressions you get when you pull out of your lunch bag a tin of pedigree chum and some chocolate drops for dessert. Still at least it left my coat nice and shiny for the wedding!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go chase a cat out of the garden.
