Having had my flight booked as part of a group for the wedding I hadn’t really bothered about the details. I’ve flown many times before and naturally assumed this one would be no different. You turn up, put your bag in, check a suitcase then drink copious amounts of tea and wander over to a tiny screen occasionally to ponder why you’re only allowed a 5 minute window of opportunity to get to your gate. It’s a good system. You go on holiday and take, surprisingly enough, the things you might want to take on holiday. Electronic items perhaps. Maybe a good book. Even, dare I say it, clothes to avoid the unfortunate scenario of walking the streets naked and showing the world your sunburnt bum.
This system has worked for many years. In fact the only thing that has really changed over time is that they have, despite their best attempts, occasionally had to concede defeat in the battle to remove all legroom from long-haul flights and reduce the passenger intake. This is a process that has, inevitably reduced the overall weight of the aircraft with less body mass and far less luggage. SO WHY THE BLOOMIN’ HECK HAS MY HAND BAGGAGE ALLOWANCE GONE DOWN TO 5 FRIGGING KILOGRAMS??!!!
Yes, apparently on my particular flight I am allowed to take my cabin bag as long as I have no desire whatsoever to fill it with any belongings. If willing to risk it the weight of ones passport may not tip the scale too far over the edge but please be aware that should a fly land on said cabin bag during the weighing process the additional weight may mean you are in fact unable to travel. On a related topic please also bear in mind that your passport may give a nasty paper cut and could therefore be seen as some form of weapon so it’s best not to risk it anyway.
As we have both a wedding dress, groom’s suit, and many and varied precious items (including the video camera that is supposed to be filming the wedding) that cannot be trusted to being checked into the hold I have spent much of my evening creating new and imaginative expletives whilst pondering the reasons behind this minute weight allowance. Having examined the evidence from just about every angle (except the ones that disproved my theory) I can offer only one logical, if terrifying, conclusion:
This Aeroplane is made out of paper.
Seriously, it’s the only logical conclusion! It would appear that the reason for the upsurge in budget airlines (not that I would necessarily put this particular airline into the budget bracket) is that they have discovered it’s far cheaper to make planes from a material far cheaper than previously possible. Let’s examine the evidence:
- British airways allow 23kg for hand luggage plus a laptop or handbag… their planes are clearly made of a metal strong enough to support the weight.
- The checked baggage allowance is only 20kg too, lower than many other airlines including BA so it’s not as if they’re lowering one to increase the other.
- They keep insisting upon online checkins and paperless tickets… clearly their paper budget is being spent elsewhere!
So there you have it, you heard it here first! Paper planes have become a viable, if incredibly irritating, mode of transport! I have to admit though, whilst I have my grumbles about this new design concept, I do look forward to seeing the giant hand that must propel us into the skies!
As for getting everything across for the wedding though, I am…well I fear Leonard from The Big Bang Theory perhaps put it best…
Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go.
